This came up last week and I wanted to get to it but there was too much good news. Now this seems more familiar. A universe we recognize and know our way around in.

Metrolinx battles beavers on Toronto rail lines and people aren’t happy

A move to drain water that could flood Metrolinx tracks has upset people who want to save beaver habitats. The issue of beavers and Metrolinx is an ongoing one, Metrolinx’s head of media relations and public affairs, Anne Marie Aikins tells blogTO.

“Beaver patrols are pretty a normal course of business for protecting the rail corridor so it happens kind of everywhere,” Aikins says.

We love the beavers too but what people couldn’t see was the beaver-made pond caused flooding beyond the pond onto tracks nearby. Flooded tracks can cause serious accidents/derailments. For the sake of safety we need to prevent the flooding & relocate beavers to a safer location https://t.co/MGdjj9aqtO

— Anne Marie Aikins (@MetrolinxSpox) October 28, 2021

Recently, Metrolinx released an article about beavers and how dam building has washed out tracks causing train derailments in Manitoba and the Ottawa Valley. But residents of a Scarborough Bluffs neighbourhood say Metrolinx is destroying a habitat for not only beavers but for other wildlife such as deer, geese and ducks.

Well sure, We love those beavers. And the geese and ducks who rely on their pond but we like our dry fail lines better and since we can’t possibly have both we’re going to lie about “Moving” the beavers because that’s what you people want to hear.

Aikins says Metrolinx staff members use devices, known as beaver baffles, to prevent the beavers from making dams. The residents say the pond is far from the tracks, but Aikins says there is an overflow caused by beavers making dams. “There was seepage that was going very close to our tracks,” she says.

The idea is to remove the dam and force the beavers to relocate.

Yes removing the dam so that beavers relocate is a GREAT idea. Practically fool proof. I can’t think of how that could possibly fail. Unless you have some of those ULTA RARE rebuilding beavers. But pshawwww that almost never happens.

“The beavers relocate [and] if they don’t relocate, and they keep making dams, we can use humane traps and relocate them to a safer area away from traps,” she says.

Never mind that relocating beaver in Canada is ILLEGAL so you’re obviously lying. And never mind that even if you were telling the truth it’s NOVEMBER and a very very bad time to move a beaver away from its food cache and home in Toronto where the current temperature is 36 degrees.

Just lie and wave to the nice protestors and act like you appreciate beavers. Then you can kill them.