There is a smart and sassy column in yesterday’s Sacramento Bee. Bemoaning how wet it is in Oregon and how dry it is in California. Jack Ohman lived in Portland for 30 years and would like some of the water he endured up there to follow him to California. But he doesn’t want the beavers.
Jack Ohman: Portland, I’ll take your rain; keep the beavers
I have just returned from Portland, Ore. I lived there for almost 30 years. One of the things that drove me crazy about Portland was the rain.
My hair was always wet; I felt like I had a beaver sitting on my head at all times, just lying in wait to construct a quick dam. My shoulders constantly felt damp.
Water.
Even in non-drought times, I understand Sacramento is arid. Since I have been here, I get actively upset if it’s cloudy. My Sac buddies say that last Christmas, which featured temperatures hovering in the 70s, even in San Francisco, was truly surreal. I just assumed that this was typical Nor Cal weather. My kids loved it. Shirt-sleeves in San Francisco on Dec. 29 seemed normal to me, and, frankly, owed to me after 29 years of torrential, biblical rain.
Now, just run a nice tunnel down here from the Columbia River and no one gets hurt. But keep your beavers. Those things can really mess up your hair.
Mr. Ohman actually doesn’t specify whether means actual beavers or football beavers, but since I doubt he felt like he had a wet wide-receiver on his head, I’m assuming actual. Which is ironic. Since the one thing that would make California wetter is the thing he says he doesn’t want.
Of course I wrote and told him so. He’ll probably write back right away and thank me.
