It’s amazing the lengths some cities will go to explain why they can’t learn to solve problems. It’s almost as if they think not learning excuses them in some way. Take Barrie for instance. It’s at the edge of lake Huron north of New York in Canada.

Busy beavers cause lots of dam problems in Barrie

About 30 times a year, one of Canada’s national animals becomes a pest in Barrie and needs removing.

Beavers like to down trees, move them around, build dams and block waterways – even in urban environments – and sometimes the only option is to trap them.

“The problem is city wide and occurs regularly from spring to fall,” said Dave Friary, the city’s operations director, of beavers. “The damage ranges from tree removal to the blocking of pond outlets, which results in a flooding risk to adjacent neighbourhoods and properties which expands to properties downstream of the pond.

Obviously not one account sits them down and says, wow you throw money at this problem every two weeks and it never goes away? Are you paying hushmoney or a hitman?

The cost to trap a beaver depends on the number of times the trapper must visit the site, Friary said, but the average is approximately $300, about 30 times annually in Barrie.

I’m sorry. Could you explain that again? So every trip out to kill some beavers makes you three hundred dollars and the more it fails the more money you make? Hmm. I think I’m seeing a problem with your incentive scheme here. Why not give ONE lump sum every year and the more they have to come out and earn it because they failed the first time is incentive not to fail?

Oh right. Your couzin Vinnie is the trapper you hire. And needs the ten grand every year. Sorry, I forgot.

Beavers in stormwater pond locations can also be relocated, but sometimes the city is unable to successfully relocate the beavers so they don’t return to the same spot, Friary said. And Ontario’s Fish and Wildlife Conservation Act only allows them to be moved as far as one kilometre away.

“The relocation of beavers is regulated under Ontario’s Fish and Wildlife Conservation Act,” said Jolanta Kowalski, who is with Ontario’s Ministry of Northern Development, Mines, Natural Resource and Forestry.

“It is not encouraged as an option because relocating the beaver to another area can move the problem elsewhere, can transmit disease among beaver colonies and can introduce a beaver into established beaver colonies which could result in the beaver’s death,” said Kowalski.

See if we transmit disease by moving the beaver he might die. Or if he gets attacked by another beaver in the area he might die. So it’s better if he dies for sure. You can understand that. right?

“Legally trapped beavers can be killed,” Kowalski said. “The Fish and Wildlife Conservation Act (FWCA) provides for the protection of beaver dams and makes it illegal to intentionally destroy them unless specifically exempted by the FWCA or authorized by our ministry.”

You can kill the beavers of course, but get your bloody hands off those dams. Those things can be damn useful!

And there are other options. The city has at times used small wire structures called ‘beaver bafflers’, which are placed around the outlet pipes in stormwater ponds – allowing the water to properly flow through the pond without causing flooding in the nearby neighbourhood, and does not disturb the beavers, Friary said.

But when beavers cannot be relocated so they can’t return, or the beaver baffler doesn’t solve flooding issues, a trapper is called.

Ahh so you admit there are alternatives but you have no idea what they’re for. Got it.

“When this occurs the city has exhausted all actions and cannot properly protect public and private property from flooding and the city has the duty and authorization from the province through the Fish and Wildlife Conservation Act, to hire a trapper and manage the beavers accordingly,” Friary said.

“We contract the service out to a provincially approved trapper who uses a variety of methods of removal that can be found on the provincial website,” he said. “We indicate as part of the contract that methods used need to be humane and within provincial guidelines. Each circumstance may be unique and up to the trapper.”

Exhausted all actions? You mean to tell me that 30 times a year the city exhausts all actions. installs a baffle, wrings it hands and has to call Vinnie to trap again. You are freakin kidding me. The city doesn’t EXHAUST all its options every decade, let alone every other week. You barely wash your hands every other week.

“The killing of beaver often causes a great deal of controversy within the city that’s really difficult for people to deal with,” she said.

I really, really believe that.

She said most municipalities, when they have a beaver issue, call the Ministry of Natural Resources, which provides phone numbers for a number of trappers, and the trapper removes the beaver.

“And that sounds like a pretty easy way to deal with the situation, but the fact of the matter is when you look at the situation in total, the cost of doing that plus removing the dams and blockage of drainage ditches and all sorts of different areas where beavers might cause conflict, the cost to the city is significantly greater than dealing with things like beaver bafflers, different types of flow devices, including in stormwater management ponds, that allows the beaver to stay, that allows the municipality to deal with the diversity that the beaver brings, while preventing flooding,” White said.

Wait just a dog-gone minute here, this article is starting to make sense. Better end it RIGHT NOW. Don’t start telling me that the 10 grand they pay to kill beavers every year is just PART of the cost. If you keep explaining how this works people will start learning, and you don’t want that do you?

I didn’t think so.