Troubled by pesky criminial prosecutions? Here’s some problem solving Shakespeare-style. Contrary to the modern misunderstanding that this references frivolous lawsuits as the problem with modern society, Dick’s advice to Cade in Henry IV part 2 is much more elemental: Bothered by the consequences of breaking the law? Then kill all the lawyers (and if you don’t believe me, ask Pakistan).
I’m thinking that Rossmoor must have had their “problem solving for Dummies” book open to the Shakespeare/Machiavelli page, because in their most recent news story they offer the following “longterm” solution to their acorn problem.
One long-term option is to work on limiting the acorn production of the trees. This can possibly be done with a spray-on solvent and by heavy pruning.
I’ll give you a moment to let that sink in.
The grand solution-eers of the gated community, with the entire Mount Diablo Audobon Society at their disposal, and a host of contractors willing to pitch in and help out, have offered a solution of chemically treating the trees to reduce woodpecker population. The mind was already reeling at their decision to hire a sharpshooter, now it has dropped like a stone into the abyss. Birth Control for Oak trees? Why not cut down the offending bird-accomplises altogether? You’ll have a much better view of your gates without all those pesky natural obstructions.
This is akin to killing all the salmon to control the grizzly population, or stopping tourism to St. Marks square to limit the pigeon population. This is as bad an idea as any we have heard from the Martinez City Council and that’s saying something. Does anyone bother to worry that there might be other creatures dependent on the acorns? Or that a sudden decrease in available food might increase storing operations before it decreases them?
(I guess we can be thankful that the technology wasn’t available back when we were dealing with that pesky “native american” problem).
Property managers and architects everywhere know exactly why this problem has happened. The solution isn’t to kill the woodpeckers or eliminate the acorns or shoot the media. It doesn’t cost 170,000 dollars either. The problem is the “synthetic stucco” (and if by synthetic you mean pretend, I think the name is perfect). Its longer name is Exterior Insulation and Finish System or EIFS for short. It has so many problems that it even has a legal defense network for disgruntled homeowners. Water damage behind the facade is a more widespread problem than acorns, but there are many reasons to avoid this material, and just as many to invest in its replacement. Do your homework and find a real solution.
One of my favorite moments at the famous November 7th meeting came after about an hour of public comment. A woman approached our city manager directly and pointed out the remarkable solutions offered by an audience of lay-people who had all spent thirty minutes on the internet researching solutions. She referenced our hard work and asked with genunine inquiry, “What have you done to research the problem?” Had he learned about any of the tools or problem-solving devices we discussed? He wriggled like a man uncomfortably far from his vacation and said that they hadn’t thought they would work in this setting. Her response was amazing. It took my breath.
“But you knew about them? You knew about these options and you didn’t present that information to us?”
This remarkable Perry Mason moment is probably what inspired an early retirement for our City Manager, and he quickly redirected her question towards the council to deflect her attention. With two short questions she had highlighted the fact that (as Mulder would say) “The truth is out there“, and that people who are paid to offer solutions should bother finding it. I hope that woman has a mother or aunt at Rossmoor to ask the same question of their Board.
To paraphrase Dr. Seuss once more:
From there to here, from here to there, stupid things are everywhere!
