international-beaver-day

Ahhhh the form letter! “Thank you for bringing this issue to my attention.” Why is it sent? Who does it serve? Are people ever really soothed by the form letter? I suppose maybe when the trouble is taken to post it and mail it there is some modest value attached. I got one from the white house once with raised lettering on the seal, and that was exciting. 44 cents worth of appreciation for my civic interest. Surely the email form letter is worth less- far less. Just the effort it takes to hit the “reply” button. It communicates that the person has the time to respond to and acknowledge the letter, the energy to cut and paste your name, but lacks the engagement to respond in a meaningful way.

This week I received a fine specimen from the Premier of Prince Edward Island – (“150 nuisance beavers to be culled“). The letter is bold in its simplicity and dramatic in its failure to communicate a single intention or act. I have read a few non-responses in my day and this is remarkable in its negation of all meaning. It is a black hole of responsibility through which all impending decisions are sucked so that no one can ever be blamed, certainly not the author. See for yourself:

Dear Dr. Perryman

Thank you for your e-mail. I can understand your concerns and I am aware that officials in the Department of Transportation and Infrastructure Renewal plan to re-visit this issue from a policy and operational basis with senior officials in the Fish and Wildlife Division of the Department of Environment, Energy and Forestry.

I can assure you that we want to develop sound, ethical practices to address this situation and take a balanced and measured approach.

We appreciate your input.

Sincerely,

Robert Ghiz

Premier

Are dramatic legal cases ever won on the basis of a form letter? Imagine the classic Perry Como (an attentive reader points out I mean Perry Mason moment – which is true but you have to admit a Perry Como moment would be charming!) “Your honor I didn’t know my ship was leaking oil. It was never brought to my attention.” the smooth haired businessman intones. Then from across the courtroom the glinty-eyed lawyer produces a worn piece of paper, “If you didn’t know about it then what’s this? If no one brought it to your attention, how do you explain this!” and then reads

“Thank you for bringing this issue to our attention…”

So you see, its important to notice when you get a form letter and to save it or post it on a website that gets 1000 readers a day. I’m sure when PE notices how steeply their bird population declines, or finds out their salmon run is reduced by half, they might wonder who’s responsible.

The whole thing made me think of this beloved episode of Cheers;