County to go after beavers
By RANDY HOGAN The Helena WorldBecause farmers are not allowed to use dynamite, beaver dams have multiplied tremendously in the county. According to Larry, the district simply cannot get enough trappers to make a dent in the beaver population
Oh no! Not more exploding beavers! (One of my favorite posts ever, probably it was the ministry of hyperbole that clinched it.) Apparently the problem has spread all the way to Arkansas. Without dynamite there is apparently no way to kill these beavers fast enough, (machine guns?) and its not like anyone there knows a better way to solve problems.
“We have a very serious problem with beavers in the local ditches and road ditches that flood cropland, county roads and timberland,” Earnest Larry, representing the Phillips County Conservation District, told quorum court members Tuesday night.
Can anyone doubt Earnest Larry? With a name like that? I will more defer any additional commentary to Mr. Wilde. But I don’t suppose ‘Dubious Mark‘ weighed in? Or perhaps ‘Critical-Thinking Tom’ offered an argument at the meeting? Apparently Earnest wants a voluntary tax to provide funds for the conservation district to eradicate beavers. (Wow. The number of oxymorons in that sentence alone is like a roomful of detergents for stupid people.) See in the past the conservation district got money from the Natural Resource Committee to help trap beavers..but now there’s less money all around and the voluntary tax would help raise money for mo’ beaver killin’.
I’m just curious. Where ELSE does the money go? If you use so much of the budget for beaver eradication, is there anything left for planting trees or teaching third graders about what lives in pond water? And why on earth would a no-dynamite law make it impossible to kill beavers? You do realize that blowing up the dam doesn’t actually kill beavers right? Because beavers don’t LIVE IN THE DAM!!! I mean you could still trap them or shoot them right?
Well, it’s tempting to make an Arkansas joke, and say that people who marry their second cousins shouldn’t be expected to install beaver deceivers, BUT the problem of beaver-stupid isn’t regional in nature. Its epidemic. Just look at this article from Salem which is 19 miles from Mike Callahan of Beaver Solutions and 61 miles from Skip Lisle of Beaver Deceivers International, in other words — surrounded by beaver-education but apparently impervious to it.
Busy as a beaver
Beavers are causing problems across the North Shore, especially during this mild winter when they have been more active than usual. The most common problem caused by beavers is a flooded land area. The Mass Division of Fisheries and Wildlife offers several options for solving beaver conflicts.
A homeowner does not need a permit to contract with a licensed trapper during beaver hunting season (Nov. 1 through April 15) to place a cage or box-type trap on their own property. Trapping is highly regulated in Massachusetts. Residents are not encouraged to handle a beaver problem themselves. It is strongly suggested that a registered beaver trapper be hired.
I’m sure the home state of Harvard, Cambridge and MIT is mighty proud to be solving problems as well as Arkansas. Of course, they do possess a slightly broader skill set. Just look at the mysteriously unelaborated very last sentence.
There are ways to handle a problem with beavers so trapping really should be considered as last resort after other methods have been tried.
