Mad beaver terrorizes Miramichi

The mad beaver of Miramichi wandered the streets this week, slapping its tail on the pavement and chasing one man down the street. And be warned: he’s still out there

The mad beaver of Miramichi, pictured here in a cellphone photo just moments before it turned aggressive, slapping its tail and hissing.

The beaver was a cute curiosity until it got mad. Then it was just plain scary. Terry Furlotte would know; he barely escaped without getting nipped.

He bent down to snap the beaver’s photo, but evidently the beast didn’t like it. “He slapped his tail, turned around with a big old hiss, you could see his teeth there sticking out,” said Furlotte, who was startled. “I had to turn and run away. . . . He chased me down the road.”

This story sickens me. A young beaver slapping the pavement because he thinks it will keep him safe. Like a child pulling the trigger on his finger over and over and saying “bang” and wondering why the attacker doesn’t fall over. Miramichi is east of Maine in New Brunswick, so not the smartest beaver player on the chessboard. But still, Mad?

Only if MAD is an acronym. Standing for

Misunderstood Adolescent Disperser. (M.A.D.)

The reporter in this [sic] tail exaggerated every possible detail or got it wrong, claiming beavers “live” in the dam, and are “kicked out by their parents” at age 2 and that the beaver is still out there and could return any moment. I guess we should be pleased they could be bothered to do a little research for this story.

Though it’s exceedingly rare, beavers have been known to attack people. Last May, a fisherman in Belarus died after being bitten by a beaver he was trying to photograph. An elderly Virginia woman was knocked into a lake and battled a beaver that had bitten her leg for 20 minutes in 2012. She managed to escape.

Sigh. I’m pretty sure there’s a contract clause we never hear about which rewards any reporter that manages to sneak those tidbits in. Luckily the police in Miramachi are way smarter (and kinder) than the reporters.

Once the mad beaver of Miramichi got aggressive, police were called to deal with the animal. They dealt with the scene by cordoning off streets to make sure the rodent didn’t get hit by a car, and waited for the beaver to wander back into the wilderness.

The beaver was allowed to waddle off into the sunset, while Mirachi residents were furiously texting their loved ones, and Mr. Furlotte was spared to live another day. In addition to the Toronto Star, this was also on the Huffington Post. Apparently the incident inspired many frenzied tweets as well.

Honestly, do they have nothing at all to write about in New Brunswick? No scandals or crime or evidence of climate change? Hmm, maybe it’s just things they’d rather not think about.