Well not Anne precisely, because she is a fictional character and unable to set a trap. Instead, some very real nonfictional characters on Prince Edward Island are teaming up to do and defend it. Drew Halfnight’s smart article in the National Post documents their decision. They’re calling the kill a ‘cull’ targeting ‘nuisance beavers’. The plan is to take 150 this summer and sell the pelts, funneling the money back into environmental management. (Mind you, summer pelts won’t fetch much, but no matter). The accusations of damage are legion and include “beaver cause flooding and destruction of roadways, kill mature trees, contaminate water and interfere with migratory fish runs“. The solution, of course, is binary: conibear traps and underwater snares which “humanely cause drowning after 5 minutes.” Not quite sure how that works out for an animal that can hold its breath for 15 minutes, but it says it’s humane in the paper so it must be true.
Apparently everyone is on board for this exciting (not-so-final) final solution, “What we’re doing is in the interest of public safety,” said Shelley Cole-Arbing, an environmental officer with the Department of Transportation and Public Works. “This isn’t something we want to do. This is a necessary part of our lives.” (Explain to me how disliking a foolish, wasteful decision makes it better, Shelley?) “I wish we had a magic wand to fix the problem,” said retired P.E.I. biologist Daryl Guignon. “But it’s not easy, let me tell you.” (Well goodness Daryl, Anne might expect you to have a magic wand, but we certainly don’t. I was just thinking you might have a pair of pliers and some clippers. Too much to ask?) “In some instances, [euthanizing the animals] is the best option,” said Tracy Brown, director of the local environmental association in Bedeque Bay. “It’s not like we have a declining beaver population.” (Ahh Tracy. Spoken like a true naturalist! I just had to look up your organization and saw that it is actually focused on environmental management. Well, it has environment in the title right? Beavers aren’t endangered, that’s true. I wonder if any species that depend on their ponds are endangered. Birds or salamanders or tree frogs or fish. Go ahead and look, I’ll wait while you check.)
Clarence Ryan has been a government-contracted trapper in eastern P.E.I. since the beaver management program was first launched. Last season he killed 87 beavers with two types of traps, a traditional Conibear clamp and a submersible snare. The first, the “trap of choice” for professionals, is supposed to kill the beaver instantly, though some environmental groups say it often doesn’t. The second is meant to drown the animal in under five minutes.
Wow. You need to kill twice as many this year and you’re calling it a solution? Wouldn’t a solution mean you have less of a problem not more of a problem? Hmm. I wonder if their might possibly be a rebound effect for the population after you trap 150 beavers. Better set aside some money right now to trap 300 next year. And so on. Maybe a trust fund.
My favorite part of the article comes at the end. I just love how the ‘schoolyard, siblings-fighting-in-the-back-seat, BP finger pointing technique” closes it.
A spokesperson for the province’s transportation department pointed out that other provinces cull animal populations, too. Last month, the National Post reported that Nova Scotia is introducing a $20 bounty on coyotes.
Lives could be lost. We have to do it. It won’t hurt. It won’t matter. And finally, the old standard “he started it!” The newly varnished PEI answer to “I didn’t do it. He had it coming“.
