Got a call from the Gazette last night as I was closing up shop, saying that being as today is April Fools they’d like to run a fake story about the beavers leaving town and then say “just kidding”. Did I object? What, you mean having a newspaper falsely print that the beavers were leaving? (CCT April 2008). Have a newspaper misrepresent Worth A Dam? (LA Times October 2009). Have a newspaper lie about the activity or intentions of the beavers? (San Francisco Chronicle 2007). Hmm. Looks like it ‘s all been done before, really. You have to get up pretty early in the morning to say something untrue about our beavers that hasn’t already been said.
So I did.
- Fishermen complain beaver are reducing catch rate of bass.
- Beaver breeds with housecat; creates world’s first “Catver”
- After three years of close contact with people, beavers imitate human speech.
- Cell phone dropped in water causes brain tumor in yearling.
- Couple who got engaged at beaver dam seek divorce, blame otter.
- Child sues city: “I want my Tile Back!”
- Public Works declares “National beaver Day”
- George Miller refuses to visit Martinez again unless he can see the beavers.
- Council complains beaver ate staff’s wooden leg.
- Beavers gnaw through first layer of sheetpile. Staff worries they will start on second.
Now that was fun! You should try your own. I can see it now, a National Inquirer for Beavers. Coming to a check-out line near you! In the meantime, know that it’s April Fools, our beavers are fine, I spent yesterday on the phone with a dixieland Jazz band that wants to play at the August 7th beaver festival, nailing some key research for the beaver prevalence paper, and may soon be able to announce a new sponsor for the event that makes, I am told, a dam fine wine!
