So no new nibbles seen yesterday and no sightings either. We have to seriously consider the possibility that this is a “one night stand” (of trees) and not an announcement of a new business address. Sigh. Fingers crossed.

In the mean time there’s a very special treat for the end of the world. It’s a beaver trivia game on the Mississppi based trapping magazine, Mossy Oak. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll want to buy a firearm. It will be fun.

Beaver Quick Facts and Trivia

• Beavers can build a large dam from scratch in about a week.
• One beaver dam can flood and destroy thousands of acres of timber.
• The U.S. Department of Agriculture estimates that beaver’s cause $100 million in damage to public and private property in the Southeast.
• A beaver has a flat scaly tail used for swimming, diving, signaling alarm and maintaining balance while cutting trees and eating.
• Beavers incisors have to grow continuously to keep up with the wear and tear of tree cutting and eating habits.

Now wait you forgot to mention that beavers start fires, spread disease and ruin forests! Gosh I expected better fake facts from a trapping news paper!

At around 2 years of age, beavers are forced out of their colonies and will begin searching for a new home and mate.
Beavers will make multiple sent mounds in close proximity to each other to attract mates.
At 2-3 years of age, beavers will pick a mate and mate for life unless one of them is killed.
Breeding begins during the late winter months and will extend through the early spring months
Their offspring, or “kits” are born fully furred with eyes open and are able to swim almost immediately after birth.
A colony can contain up to 12 beavers and usually will consist of one adult breeding pair, newborn kits and yearlings from the previous year.

Up to 12 beavers? Never mind all that pesky research. Let’s just write what we guess! If in fact beavers mate for life unless you kill them, as you say, they wouldn’t need to ‘find a mate’ very often now would they? Way back when I went to beaver school they told me that scent mounds were mostly territorial. To keep strangers away. But I’m sure you know best.

Beaver Trivia

1. What is the average age an adult beaver will reach in the wild?
a. 1-5 years
b. 6-10 years
c. 11-14 years
d. None of the above

2. Scent found in beaver castor is a common ingredient in perfumes
(True or False)

3. Beavers have excellent eyesight and rely on it daily.
(True or False)

4. Beavers are able to swim within 24 hours of being born.
(True or False)

Now honestly these are hard. I don’t know whether to answer the actual truth or the pretend bullshit truth that you guys argue exists so you get to kill more beavers, Hmm. But of all the questions I have to say number three is my favorite.

Beavers have excellent eyesight and rely on it daily!

Nice test construction skills boys! Are you sure they don’t just rely on it every other day? Or once a week? And hey even if beavers had lousy eye sight, wouldn’t they use it every day anyway? I mean you’re commuter car might be a piece of trash but you have to drive it to get to work don’t you?

Quick Facts

• Beavers incisors can grow more than 4 feet a year.
• Prehistoric beavers were believed to reach 400lbs and 8 feet in length.
• In the colonial ages, beaver trapping contributed to shifting economic and political alliances between Europeans and Native Americans.

Well, that first fact is doozy. I guess we’re supposed to be imagining beavers with four foot teeth? It’s hard to even how that fact would be observed. I guess you could count the amount a tooth grows in a day in the lab and multiply it by 364. But that really wouldn’t tell you if the process is constant or sporadic or if it occurs the same no matter how long the tooth is?

I can’t blame you specifically, Everyone gets beaver facts wrong. You aren’t special. Even the national geographic site says that their life span in the wild is 24 years.

It’s an ignorant beaver world out there boys and girls. We have a lot of work to do.