We haven’t talked much recently about mundane beaver issue that predictably get written about in October – you know the culverts being blocked and the bridges being flooded. Suffice it to say that beavers are still as persistent and city council members are still clueless.

Honestly, the course unfolding in Berlin Pennsylvania or Farmington Maine is so predictable I should honestly do a mad lib series about it. Maybe that would be fun.

I can’t bring myself to go through the whole tired story again, but just assume they’re out there – even with the wonders of Ben’s book in fricking national geographic.  The say “Oh no! Beavers? How destructive! How ever shall we manage to trap them quickly enough?”

Here’s a snippet

Next stop NYC, Berlin vs. beavers

The problem is a beaver dam that has water backed up to within inches of bridge height. If the water level reaches the bridge deck from a stream already swollen by heavy rains, it will force immediate closure of the bridge and could trap drivers attempting to cross it, or even sweep vehicles off it. Roadmasters Rob Mahon and Charlie Gries discussed the logistics of using heavy equipment to remove the dam while working in water up to 15 feet deep in spots.

It’s not the first time beavers have dammed a Berlin stream. And it’s not the first time Berlin roadmasters have removed a beaver dam threatening a road or bridge. But this time the water level, and the stakes, are higher. And the problem will be fixed only when the PA Fish and Game Commission or another wildlife authority finds out if trapping and relocating the beavers is a viable option.

Let me end your suspense. No. Relocating beaver is at the end of October in Pennsylvania is not an option. Of course you could install a flow device and prevent the flooding for the next decade like a sensible city, but I can tell that’s not in your wheelhouse.

So sure, just call the trapper or whatever.

Beavers building dams, plugging culverts raise concerns of flooding in Farmingdale

FARMINGDALE — A population of pesky beavers on Northern Avenue could flood a section of the road if not removed quickly, town officials said Wednesday.

“The situation right there is getting worse every day,” Road Commissioner Steve Stratton said at Wednesday’s Board of Selectmen meeting. “You’ve got a large beaver house above Northern Avenue and there are two or three dams.”

He has been clearing regularly a 24-inch culvert that the brook runs through under Northern Avenue, Stratton said, but the beavers keep clogging it up. He said they even reused the material that he has removed from the culvert to seal it back up.

Stratton expressed concern that the road could become flooded if the beavers were not relocated or discouraged from damming. The water level on Wednesday was about 6 feet lower than the crest of the road, but Stratton said levels could rise quickly if left unattended.

Of course you’ve been digging out the culvert every few days. Of course you’re worried about flooding and are going to call in the trappers. Because what else could you possibly do? It’s not like blocked culverts are THE most reliably solved beaver issue in the entire world or anything.

Sheesh

Kemper said the department will trap and relocate beavers if the problem is caught early in the year. Beavers tend to lodge for long periods of time in the winter in their homes, so they need an appropriate amount of time to settle in a new area. If there is a problem later in the season — and the problem is severe enough — beavers could be killed and removed.

Oops too late. I’m sure you planned it that way.

I’m too old to go to hold your hand and walk you to your first day at  beaver preschool.  Instead I want to stay in my imaginary college campus where people already know these things. I want to show you something I think is really special. I’ve been working on this for three days straight, stripping out the audio from Ben Goldfarb’s West Linn Library presentation, cutting out the coughs or long pauses to get it down to 5 minutes limit on the free version, inserting sound effects where appropriate using another free audio program, and the stringing the whole thing together with visuals on Powtoon.

I admit, I’m pleased with the final product. Check it out.