There’s a veritable glut of beaver complaints this morning. You’d think people had never seen spring before. Starting with this sodden complaint from Amherst Massachusetts.

Flooding headaches in Amherst: Homeowners on one street struggle to reach their front doors

AMHERST — Back from the supermarket with four bags of groceries, Joyce Silverstone was confronted by a pond in the middle of her street, and a dilemma: should she drive through the deep water to get home, or would it be wise to park the vehicle on pavement and make multiple trips, on foot, to her 35 Pomeroy Court residence?

The water issues are a continuing frustration for the nine residents whose homes are on Pomeroy Court, a dead-end street off Pomeroy Lane that has long been susceptible to flooding and extended periods of standing water.

Almost annually, either the town has trapped beavers and removed beaver dams, or the power company Eversource has monitored the nearby land for beaver activity, said Department of Public Works Superintendent Guilford Mooring.

“The issue is to try to make sure the beavers are managed,” Mooring said. Town officials are well aware of the problems on Pomeroy Court. “During wet weather it floods,” said Town Manager Paul Bockelman. “It’s a super inconvenience for people who live there, and clearly it’s a problem.”

That’s right. We tried this solution OVER and OVER again and the problem keeps coming back. So obviously we just need to try it more. Trap more beavers! More often! Never mind trying something new that would actually solve the problem, like hiring Mike Callahan to install a flow device and control pond height. We want to do the same thing again, again. Because it’s quantity not quality that matters. Sheesh.

On to the smartest folk ever in Memphis Tennessee where a ‘single beaver’ that causes concern is going to be relocated.

Midtown beaver to be relocated

MEMPHIS, Tenn. — The city of Memphis says it has no choice but to remove the beaver currently taking up residence in Midtown. The animal was recently spotted at Central and Barksdale, and officials are worried he might cause street flooding and damage to property.

Some folks in Midtown told WREG they think the beaver needs to be left alone, but city leaders promised to be careful relocating it. They said it may even move on its own once they remove its dam.

“Normally we just try and capture the beaver. We have to determine with the state what the regulations are with relocating beavers, or what the options are. It’s something we have to look into,” said Robert Knecht with Memphis Public Works.

On the first hand it’s kinda sweet that their first instinct isn’t to bring in the trapper. Aw. On the second hand I’m not really thrilled about ‘bubba’ stuffing a beaver into a potato sack and dumping him over county lines. I mean if you really did this ‘all the time’ why on earth would you have to look up the regulations for the state? Wouldn’t they be the same as the last time you did it? Never mind that relocating a single beaver is tantamount to a death sentence, or that it’s not going to end well for our hero. Or that there likely isn’t just one beaver, and your breaking apart a family which you will end up killing later.

Honestly, there were three more similar stories this morning that I don’t have the patience to write about. Moral of the story is “People freak out about beavers in April”. And February. They just get worried about all that water. Here’s something delightfully juvenile to take your mind off it. An article entirely of beaver jokes. Some of them aren’t even dirty.